


I don't know what this is

by ClownBoy



Category: Batman (1966), Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Arkham - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Fluff, M/M, arkham visit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:22:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24327973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClownBoy/pseuds/ClownBoy
Summary: Joker's done something unpredictable even for him.  Batman hopes a visit to Arkham will bring some answers.
Relationships: Batjokes - Relationship, Batman/Joker
Comments: 13
Kudos: 154





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been having trouble creating but I hope you guys like this. It helped me a little. :)

The press was having a field day. He heard the news like everyone else, but he'd have to see it to believe it. 

The batmobile pulled up to the dingy tall gates and staff saw him inside. The doctor didn't even ask what cell. 

"It's strange he hasn't been asking for you." She walked quickly. 

"It seems he's not asking for anyone. I thought I'd see for myself." 

She nodded, trying not to stare. The cape and the boots, etc., have a strange effect in fluorescent lighting. 

The cell door opened, turning several guard's heads. 

He closed the door behind him. 

It was a lot to take in. They'd kept the lights on, but there he was curled up in bed without a uniform, still in his signature purple facing the wall. 

He stepped closer. "I understand you self-admitted on Sunday. It was strange hours. This was after leaving key evidence to solve Edward Nygma's latest series of schemes with staff. I was curious if there was a reason." 

Nothing. 

His instinct was to check for vital signs. He resisted. "You can talk to me." He sat at the end of the bed. "I know you don't like police." 

"I like Jim. When it's funny." 

"Yes." 

He didn't hear the sigh, but he saw the rise and fall of it. 

"You've always had a bit of a routine. Is there a reason-" 

"The two of us have had a routine." 

"Fair enough." 

Another rise and fall. "My spontaneity has become," he shook a gloved hand, "boring, Bats." 

He turned to him. "Is there a reason?" 

Joker's face was just visible over the pile of shoulderpads. "I'm only doing what I've always ever done." 

"Which is?" 

He looked up. "Whatever I want." 

Bruce realized he was staring. 

"It is good to see you. Nice to have a visitor." 

"Even uninvited?" 

He smiled. "I wondered if it would bring anyone out of the woodwork. No people. Just you." He sat up, smiling at the floor. "The Bat Man." 

"Don't say it like that." 

"It gets cold at night." 

"Does staff provide adequate bedding?" 

"Yes. I am hitting on you." 

"I see." 

The clown met his eyes again. "I can't tell if it bothers you." 

"It doesn't bother me. I don't understand it. The desire." 

"You came here to talk. Talk about it." 

"I don't see why you like me." 

"You've given me no reason not to." 

"...I broke three of your ribs." 

"I never set a boundary against that. And that was months ago." 

More staring. This time at lips. 

He plopped his head in the bat's lap. "How many people are outside?" 

"Four guards. And a doctor let me in." 

He draped an arm dangerously close to the utility belt. "Are you up to anything tonight?" 

"Riddler is still hoping to bargain the mayor's life for my ability to uncover the hidden Cobblepot accounts." 

"Oh. Right." 

He put a hand on the clown's shoulder. "It will go a lot faster with the evidence you provided." 

A nod. "Go," he lifted his head. "Go be Batman." He stared at the floor again. "I'm safe in here." 

It was time-sensitive to get to the heart of Nygma's plan. But there was no telling if this clown situation was a ruse that would put other patients at risk. Probably safer to play along and see himself out. 

"Hey." 

He turned back. 

Joker motioned him closer. 

He walked back to the bedside. 

He kissed him. "You look good in tights." 

"It's enhanced armored microfiber." 

"Sure," he smiled. "Whatever." He motioned him away. 

"Right." He faced the door. 

It was a quick kiss, but enough to send him on his way thinking Arkham Asylum was safe. At least for tonight. Especially with the staff not saying anything about the lipstick on him on the way out.


	2. Chapter 2

A call? It was way too early in the morning. Late? It was barely light outside. Especially for the Batphone. 

He picked up. Waited. 

"I woke up to birds this morning." 

Great. It was him again. "How did you get this number." 

"Oh, please! Your changing it every month is no match for my rock solid-" 

"Joker. Why are birds important?" 

"Right! Cobblepot! I know what a peacock sounds like and the only owner of one in this city." 

"... Where are you calling from?" 

"I am using the phones by completely within-protocol means. Visitations, calls, what can I say? I'm a special case." 

"Right." The line sat quiet. 

"So, here's the thing: Pengerz is definitely involved. Also, the accounts don't actually exist, my friend." 

"This from a peacock outside?" 

He laughed. "Of course not. This from my re-admittance being broadcast internationally. This from Riddleman and that bird passing notes bimonthly at gatherings like gossiping teenagers. This from what little I can muster of an intuition and trust in you and your word. That is, if you'll have trust in mine." 

"Why should I?" 

"Why do you?" 

It was quiet. 

"I know why I trust you," he laughed. "After all, you were present for my happiest and my saddest moment. Not emotionally, but physically? Ye-" 

"What-" 

"Oh, I doubt you remember. You have so many others. But for me, there's only you." 

"When?" 

"There was the time at ACE chemicals. When we met. Maybe you do remember that one. But there's something you always forget to mention. I don't- Well. Maybe I imagined it. Your face when I fell. Your eyes looked green from inside it." 

"..." 

"ME. FALLING." 

"Yes, I remember." 

"Yes, haunting. Incredibly sentimental. Biggest regrets, yaddah yaddah... Listen. You'll owe me a favor if I keep helping you, you know." 

"What was the second moment?" 

"Same one. Now, would you like my hot tip on how to solve this little caper? I can't afford longer than two more minutes on the line." 

"I do." 

"You know it'll cost you." 

"I'm betting on it." 

"OooOoooOOh... Alright! Tell Nygma you know about Cobblepot's dealings in Blüdhaven. It's not gonna be pretty and he's gonna ask who told you, but it'll get what he knows out of 'im." 

"What are his dealings in Bludhaven?" 

"The man's not smart, Bats. Saying that will be enough. Do the brooding thing. You always look like you know more than you know, you know. Silence is key. Keep that in mind tomorrow night." 

"What's tomorrow night?" 

"You know where to find me." 

"Joker-" 

The call ended. Well, more time to suit up. It was going to be an interesting evening. 


	3. Chapter 3

2am. Didn't matter. Other than everyone in the cells he passed pretending to sleep, things looked very much the same. And Joker was wearing an actual uniform now. Hair wet. Playing solitaire on the floor. Didn't look up when the door opened. 

"It worked." 

"What worked?" 

"Oswald cracked just from the mention of Bludhaven." 

He smiled and tapped his temple. "Now get over here. I'm cheap but I ain't free." 

"What did you have in mind?" 

He patted the ground next to him. 

Sitting while keeping the cape out of the way was a challenge. 

"I'm glad to see you. Asking for your time is always a gamble." Jack of hearts on queen of clubs. He looked up. "Is it so hard to believe I helped you out of the goodness of my heart?" 

"Yes." 

"HOO HOO, you're probably right." Ten of spades on jack of hearts. "Not much we can do here with all the glass." He held out a hand. 

And it was taken.


End file.
